10 Jul Committing to Each Other: Things You Might Not Have Considered Before Getting Married
Getting married is a huge step in any relationship. Proposing, planning, and celebrating the marriage are all exciting and stressful times. During this time, you and your future spouse need to be having some important conversations. There are many things that you may not have realised that you didn’t know about the other person. There are many opinions that they may hold that you didn’t know about. Some of these can be deal-breakers in many marriages. The following is a list of things that you and your spouse might want to talk about before making a decision to get married.
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Do you want children? Well it is a conversation that many people will have after they are married, having the conversation before getting married is important. If you do not know that your partner is someone that does not want children at all and you really want children, this will pose a problem. While it is possible for someone to change their mind, it is still important to have this conversation. This helps both people to come to an understanding about expectations and goals.
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Who is responsible for household chores? If you have been living together for a while, there may already be an established routine that works well for you. But what happens if one of you loses your job? What happens if/when you have children? This is an important conversation to have. Often times one or both people in a relationship will start “keeping score” on who does what around the house. This is guaranteed to start arguments and lead to resentment as well as hurt feelings. It is also important to make sure that your partner feels appreciated. A simple thank you for a doing dishes can make a huge difference.
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Who is going to be responsible for the finances? This decision is a crucial one. You both may be bringing money into the relationship, however, how you handle the finances in your marriage can prevent fights. Having an understanding about big purchases and budgeting, is a great way to prevent arguments. Making sure that both partners understand the expectations of the other is an important thing. Money is often the start of major fights in relationships. It is much easier to have a plan when it comes to paying bills and balancing the checkbook.
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Where are you going to live? There needs to be agreement on where you and your spouse are going to be living (city, neighbourhood, close to family, far from family, etc.). Your spouse may want to live in a specific area. Are you going to be willing to compromise if that is not exactly what you want? You also have to discuss what will happen if one of you receives a job in another area. Will your spouse (and possible children) move with you? Are you going to commute? All of these questions are essential to finding a safe and stable place to build a family.
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Where are you going to spend the holidays? This can be a point for contention whether you realise it or not. Determining beforehand which relatives you are going to visit during the holidays/on which holidays and if you are going to be staying with relatives, can save arguments during an already stressful time. Your spouse may not get along with your family or visa versa. Making sure that you and your spouse can enjoy your holidays together is the end goal.
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Life Insurance/Will? You and your partner should discuss your life insurance (if you are going to have any) early on. The amount you are going to spend, what policy you are going to go with, and who is going to be the beneficiary/what the money will be used for in the event of your death is important. Developing a will (especially if you have children) can protect you and your loved ones.
Combining two previously separate lives is a large task. Often times couples don’t have the conversations that they need to have in order to function as a happy and cohesive unit. By having the important conversations ahead of time, you can avoid a lot of arguments and enjoy all the joys a marriage can bring.